Run The World
“…We run this mother…” Jade sang as she stretched in the training room.
“…lies…” Lee interjected. “PS what did my buddy get you for main chick day?”
“What is main chick day?”
“Johnny!” Ford scolded.
“What you wouldn’t tell me. What type of shenanigans is that?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
“Dude, you know and I know and she knows that the rest of this statement doesn’t apply to you, so relax.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Alright now that you two have worked that out. What is main chick day?”
“It is the sacred Cupid holiday that proves that that song is a lie”
“Are you talking about Valentine’s day?”
“Yup yuppers. In Cupid circles it’s known as main chick day. Also in parts of the hood or so I’m told.”
“You have never even been near the hood.”
“Lies. My mom was a cop in New York City” Lee said with a fake Southern accent while clutching a pair of imaginary pearls. “And my daddy loves a brown woman. You can only NYU girls for so long before you decide to see what is happening up at Colombia. And Colombia my friends is firmly in Harlem despite what the admissions advisors will tell you.”
“Whatever how does that holiday prove the song is a lie?” Jade responded.
“Well, for the same reason that my big buddy here was afraid of me explaining this to you. Because the very nature of that name and the acceptance of it means you acknowledge the potential existence of other less important women. Now you are a respectable girl so the big guy was home before I was but I’m one hundred and two percent sure he at least got to a respectable girl second base. Possibly third, I didn’t ask. And I think you are one of the few girls who uses the day as a chance to advance an already progressing relationship. The two and a half dates I had that night weren’t nice respectable girls. Nor were any of them my exclusive girlfriend who I had been dating for months.”
“What about Tibet? You saw her that night. And who were the other two?” Jade interjected.
“A gentleman never kisses and tells but a friend does put you on game. Tibet was the half. I would have gone out with her but she told me she didn’t do Valentine’s day so what’s a guy to do right. Find that chick from the pizza shop, I’m pretty sure I got us free slices for at least the next couple months. And then get back to the building and get ambushed by a young lady who shall remain nameless. Best ambush ever ps.”
“If it was Ryan you and I are going to fight” Jade said moving to a different stretch.
“No not Ryan, I believe she was off explaining to my brother why you shouldn’t date me in girl form.”
“Right. It’s so weird.”
“You guys are nothing alike. She is awful and I genuinely like you.”
“That’s cus you are my friend. You chose me over her. Did you think she was awful prior to me and her breaking up?”
“I don’t know… I mean…”
“You didn’t, neither did I. …Cus honestly she turned out to be the…” Jade looked up confused as he started singing
“…Best thing I never had…” Ford joined in harmonizing with him. Jade laughed as they continued to sing the song.
“I tell you Karma is a comedian. And I can feel a real funny ass joke coming her way.” Lee said as they settled down a bit. “But both of my side chicks knew I was sort of kinda dating Tibet. And they both literally verbatim said ‘then where is she?’ to which I replied fair point so let’s go find out what your lip gloss taste like. The pizza shop chick actually started singing lip gloss by Lil mama. I damn near fell in love.”
“Yeah that’s the some deep intense love there buddy. You can’t even remember her name.”
“Sahara. But the point is I don’t have to. She didn’t ask anything of me before she was willing to give me her. She doesn’t know anything about me but what I look like and that I go to school up here.”
“Well maybe she is trying to get pregnant by a guy like you so she can change her station in life. Did you ever think of that?”
“Station in life? Go outside and look around sweetheart. There are no tracks that run through this town.”
“There is no bad side of it. God forbid a lower middle class couple moves in to the neighborhood. The town pushes the lynch mob button. But she is a smart girl who works to save for college I doubt she would want to railroad those plans with a potential pregnancy to a kid who may not want kids and could freak and drag her to a clinic or hell push her down the steps. Plus this is not the town for stupid pregnancies. There are too many men who are too powerful to have babies by accident. Like I’m not sure everything that goes into it but there aren’t that many women in this town who could carry a baby of mine or his to term. You happen to be one of them. But never fear my dear, he would literally kill me if you turned up with a brown little boy with gray eyes.”
“While that is good to know, none of that explains why the song is a lie?”
“Because real g’s move in silence like lasagna.”
“Really little Wayne?” Ford asked.
“Shut up you know the quote. But what I am saying, when you all actually ran the world Madams controlled the underworld and wives controlled the White House. Tell me two things you know that either Mrs. Bush did. Don’t worry I’ll wait. Mrs. Obama has a nice side project but if she had the kind of power that women used to have her husband would be skating by on some we aren’t really racist cover up. Oprah has you all fooled. Yeah, she says jump and half the audience lands in a new car, but she is the exception not the rule. There are more female valedictorians every year in this country than males but you won’t see me shaking my ass in a Walmart. You guys gave up your power a long time ago, when you forgot coy kept him on the hook and quick moves him on to the next. So that is why that song is a lie. Cus you all forgot that playing dumb was just that play. So who run the world? I will” Jade sat down flat looking dumbfounded as Lee and Ford started doing laps.
Run the World by Beyonce
Manny L. Birch (author)